Posted on April 03, 2012 in Countdown

Countdown Vol. 10, No. 42

Not Romney's Fault

Mitt Romney keeps making the top stories of the day, but not always on purpose. In what constitutes conclusive evidence that the media will make headlines out of anything, several outlets ran headlines indicating that Rick Santorum would drop out of the race [hold your breath, here comes the shocker]… if Romney got enough delegates to lock down the GOP nomination. Yeah, like we were all under the impression, before this headline, that the losers would continue to fight for the nomination after someone had won. Then again, in the media’s defense, you could totally see Newt Gingrich campaigning well into June of 2013, regardless of what happens. Anyway, Romney also crushed those who doubted his personality by showing his sense of humor when he was pranked by his staff on April Fools’ Day. After they marched him into an empty room to give a campaign speech, Romney said, "This really is a small crowd; oh, jeez, you guys are really bad."

Obama's Hot Mic Moment

In the last Countdown, we poked fun at Romney for saying he would be more candid and forthcoming about his plans as President once the campaign was over. Like telling a potential business partner that you’re withholding some information from them lest they become reluctant to sign the agreement, some “forthcomingness” can be a little self-defeating. Well, President Obama had a less advertent version of Romney’s gaffe, getting caught by an open mic asking Russian President Medvedev for some “space” and “flexibility” on missile defense negotiations until after the election. The President defended the gaffe by indicating that while his blunt remarks to Medvedev weren’t intended for public consumption, the policy he intends to push after the election, namely reducing nuclear weapons’ stockpiles, is one he’s been speaking publicly in favor of for a long time. But Romney is not letting off; he called Obama’s comments to Medvedev "an alarming and troubling development," and said “I don’t think he can recover from it." Yes, the man who has remained the GOP frontrunner despite a similar gaffe doesn’t think the President can recover from this one.

The Forgotten Savior?

Now that Mitt Romney has passed the halfway-mark in securing delegates for the Republican nomination, the road ahead is looking tough for his two remaining oppon….what’s that? He has three opponents? Oh shoot, we forgot, Ron Paul is an actual candidate too! And he’s vowed to stay in the race to “save the Republican Party from themselves because they want perpetual wars…they don’t care about searching our houses without search warrants, and these are the kind of things people care about.” In his opponents’ defense, protecting civil liberties and ending our wars are things that only about 70% of Americans care about. But Romney de… what do you mean a FOURTH opponent? People really are still voting for Rick Perry? His lack of participation in debates seems to have made him a more attractive candidate. But when it comes t.. what 5th candidate? Ok, we over did it. Sorry. Moving on…

Ros-Lehtinen, On a Peace Mission

When the Palestinians sought state recognition at the U.N., Congress punished them by freezing all U.S. funds to Palestine. After all, they were taking “unilateral” steps to solve the conflict, when we know only Israel is allowed to do unilateral stuff, like building walls and settlements. Last week, Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, chair of the House Foreign Affairs Committee, decided to show some kindness to the Palestinians, announcing the release of $88.6 million of the frozen funds. So how will the Palestinians use this generous help? Well, they’re prohibited from using it on “assistance…road constructions…trade facilitation…tourism promotion…scholarships for Palestinian students,” and pretty much anything else that a reasonable person would actually call “aid.”  So what can they spend it on? They can spend it specifically on expenditures “directly related to security,” apparently in an effort to deny “Hamas the flexibility to continue its rule over the area.” Ros-Lehtinen cares about the Palestinians so much that she will help keep them poor and occupied, but will provide them with badly-needed assistance to keep Israel secure. How has she not brought peace there already?

It Makes Perfect Sense... In Another Dimension

In what could be the funniest prank the U.S. government has ever played on the Arab American and American Muslim communities, Zuhdi Jasser (America’s favorite Muslim Muslim-basher) has been appointed to the United States Commission on International Religious Freedom (USCIRF). Oh, it’s not a joke? We are talking about the narrator of the venomous anti-Muslim film the Third Jihad, right? Oh, then this must be related to the news that Hosni Mubarak has been appointed to head the Egypt Anti-Corruption Committee, that the world’s leading scientists are now defending the “flat earth” hypothesis, and that the DNC is thinking of running Sarah Palin for President in 2016. You’ve heard this before: "There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man… It is an area we call… the Twilight Zone." Well, we’re not in the Twilight Zone and Zuhdi Jasser has really been appointed to the USCIRF. Do something!

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